As I write this, Its 6 am, and I've just gone a third straight day without sleep thanks to my current bout of illness.

This isn't so much a cry for help, just a chance for me to get all this frustration off my chest, I know no-one ACTUALLY reads this blog save for a few friends, yet I just needed a place to vent my anger and frustrations. Some kind of desperate affirmation that I can scream blindly into the coding of the internet and find solace in the sheer act of screaming blindly.

My eyes have distinct bags underneath them, from my exponentially fucked sleeping patterns to try and combat my frankly hellish workload. Every morning I awaken to my limbs being tired, heavy and aching from the cheap and tacky army surplus bed which Is far too small for me. It is however, the only bed I'm allowed to have in the room thanks to my psychopathically domineering and unprofessionally vindictive landlady.

My stomach is bloated, painful and churning from the lack of decent food, Less due to my inability to cook, quite the opposite, I'm actually quite good at cooking. I just don't have time with which to buy quality ingredients to cook quality food.

My respiratory system has been badly affected by the damp course growing in one of my walls of my shitty, extortionately priced bedsit.

I can start to physically feel my muscles get less toned from the lack of proper exercise.

As for my mental state, Apathy has begun to hit me hard, an overall sense of ennui, and that this degree just isn't worth the effort in the current socio-economic climate. Worst of all, The stress that my workload causes, combined with my lack of sleep has turned me into an easily depressed, quick to anger, paranoid shell of what I regard as the real me.

I COULD just give up, that would be the easy way out. I could, but part of me cant accept giving up as an option. At least if I fail, I did so working my arse off. I did so having given it my all, till I had nothing left to give. However, not even failure is an option. Too many of my friends, family and loved ones have invested too much time and emotion for me to fuck this up.

The soundtrack to my life currently is a Venetian Snares composition-
"I'm Sorry, I failed you"